Caravanserais

lolcatbible is an interesting little wiki project that began in July 2007 to attempt to translate the entire bible into netspeak (or lolspeak). Apparently they are around 60% through already! If you haven’t laughed today then you will when you read this.

It is even funnier when you consider the codewords they have used, like God is ‘Ceiling Cat’, Jesus is ‘First Cat’ and blessings are ‘cheezbrgrs’.

Here is how the 10 Commandments have been translated:

1 Then Ceiling Cat spoked all them werds:2 I iz Ceiling Cat An I iz Top Cat, An I broughted u out of hawt lend wit no cheezbrgrs for hard werk at all

3 No can has other ceiling cat!! U gotz other Ceiling Cat, I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes.

4 If u try be Ceiling Cat of any of mai creayshunz up in floaty skai, down in erth or in watr or I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes.5 If u think faek Ceiling Cat iz Ceiling Cat, I mek u ded An ur kittens ded An if yur kittenz have kittenz, dey be ded too, for being stupid.6 If not I wuv u An all ur lotz uf kittenz!

7 U sez Ceiling Cat bad, I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes, cuz I dun liek it. Srsly.

8 Remembur caturday An keep holy.9 U werk 6 dais An finish werk, K?10 Caturday, u no werk. U An all ur peepz go wrship me. And, if yu beez gudd, I maks it so yu can stays home and do alla stuffs yu wanted tu doos.11 I maded heavenz An erth An see An the stuff that does teh funney hoppey stuffz in An on it - so I make it holy cuz I no werk.

12 Bez u good to papa An mama so u has long lief.

13 U no maek peepz ded! Srsly!

14 U no maek sexxes wit other gurlz or menz than ur wief (so no awsum treesum alowed!).

15 U no taek stuffs for free if not getz for free.

16 U no tell bad stuff about ur neibor.

17 U no wantz neibor stuff! No wief, no gurlz, no menz, no abimalz, NO BUKKITZ! DEY NOT UR BUKKITZ, K? dey da LOLrus’ bukkits.

18 When peepz see mai great orkestr wit thundr An all cool speshul effects thei wur scardy wimps

19 Thei sed to Moses ‘U goez speek to uz An we will listen; but Ceiling Cat will shoot us wit its lazer eyes!’

20 Moses LOL’d lotz, An a bit moar, for thei wuz such wimps, An sed ‘Ceiling Cat no maek u ded; he just wantz to hav fun wit u gais An maek u scaredy cats so u obei him.’

21 But peepz wur still wimps An let Moses go ther to Ceiling Cat.

Posted on June 19th, 2009 by jersey
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Wow … I bet many Obama-zoids in Australia didn’t see this one coming.

Guess where the President-who-can-do-no-wrong is sending the unwanted Uighurs from G. Bay? Obama is sending them to the tiny Pacific outpost of Palau.

From Foreign Policy:

The country’s ambassador to the United Nations, Stuart Beck, says that Obama and Clinton contacted Palauan President Johnson Toribiong to ask if he would accept the Uighurs. (The White House could not immediately confirm or deny the claim.) They sent a delegation, including Daniel Fried, the Obama administration official charged with closing Guantánamo, to visit Palau’s capital last week. …

Palau accepted, saying it welcomed the unwanted Uighurs for humanitarian reasons. Today, Toribiong released a statement saying he is “honored and proud” to be called upon by Washington. “This is but a small thing that we can do to thank our best friend and ally for all it has done for Palau.”

Beck puts it more simply: “As far as the Palauans are concerned, this is a request from the United States for help. So the natural response is to say, ‘Yeah, what can we do?’”

And what will they do? The idea is to assimilate, educate, and employ the Uighurs — to give them a semblance of a normal “comfortable” life.

What’s the bet that there will be deafening silence from David Marr and co. as anti-Beijing, Muslim separatists from the frozen steppes of North-Western China are resettled on a tin pot “island paradise” in the South Pacific? In return for 17 of the poor Uighurs, Obama is offering US$11.7 million per detainee, more than the nation’s total annual GDP.

Now I’ll respect anyone who takes a consistent line on this, but how can the Australian Left froth at the mouth when Howard initiated an identical plan for boat peoples only a few years back and simultaneously claim Obama is the great humanitarian messiah?

Posted on June 11th, 2009 by jersey
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Think you are the master of general knowledge? Forget boring hours playing Trivial Pursuit, Wikipwnia is the latest online challenge to prove who is the Wizard of Wikipedia and hence the Tycoon of Trivia.

The name ‘Wikipwnia’ (pronounced ‘wiki-por-nia’) is derived from the online gamer parlance ‘pwn‘:

Pwn (below: Various pronunciations) is a leetspeak slang term, derived from the verb “own”,^[1][2][3] as meaning to appropriate or to conquer to gain ownership. The term implies domination or humiliation of a rival,^[4] used primarily in the Internet gaming culture to taunt an opponent who has just been soundly defeated (e.g. “You just got pwned!”).

Two or more players can play Wikipwnia and the rules are uber simple. You can’t use:

(1) any browser buttons or short-cuts, including ‘back’ or ‘forward’. The only browser button allowed is ‘refresh’.
(2) any of the left-hand menu links, with the exception of ‘Random article’ to start a game.
(3) the Wikipedia search feature, however you can use the CTRL-F search tool.
(4) the ‘Categories’ link on the bottom at the bottom of article pages, however particular category links are allowed.
(5) you can’t leave the wikipedia.org domain through external links.

You need two or more computers with the same internet connection or network (one computer per player). An umpire can dream up a Wikipwnia topic (for example Sennacherib, or rubber band or nitrous oxide) to be the Goal Article. It can be as hard or as easy as you like, although it helps if the players actually know what the topic means. Alternatively without an umpire players can randomly generate a Goal Article through the ‘Random article’ link.

Once the Goal Topic is selected the game can start. Armed with the Goal Topic all players click at the same on time on ‘Random article’ link to start (on the left hand menu).

Basically, first one to find the Goal Topic wins! Enjoy navigating through all of human knowledge.

Post-match it is a lot of fun to check out you history to see how the winner got from their original article to the Goal Topic.

The brains behind Wikipwnia are James Inglis and Josiah Ecker of the 2009 graduation class at Grace International School, Chiang Mai Thailand. Great work guys!

Posted on June 6th, 2009 by jersey
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I never realised this, but apparently Queensland’s first premier was homosexual.

Here’s the story.

Posted on June 4th, 2009 by jersey
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Cheers to The Onion for this headline.

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Unveiling a bold scent described by its manufacturer as “steely, bracing, and curt, with notes of patent leather, sandalwood, and wool serge,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton launched her own line of soaps, eaux de toilette, and body splashes Thursday. The new fragrance, called “Authorité,” was designed to evoke the olfactory equivalent of sensible shoes clicking purposefully down a marble-tiled hallway. “Our distinguished parfumeurs—and, more importantly, Madame Secretary—have created exactly the right tone, a scent that brooks no argument,” spokesperson Etienne Falbaum said. “This is a controlled, competent, and, above all, patient essence that makes men sit up, take notice, and not speak until spoken to.” Advertising inserts scented with Authorité will be featured in upcoming editions of Elle, The Economist, and The New York Review of Books.

Posted on June 4th, 2009 by jersey
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Posted on May 24th, 2009 by jersey
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The many faces of Mr. Flegg.

No. 54: Bearded Hippie.

Posted on May 20th, 2009 by jersey
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Virgin Blue can’t be hoping to get too many Canadian passengers on their new trans-pacific routes. Apparently when you book online Vancouver is now part of the good ol’ U.S. of A.

Posted on May 12th, 2009 by jersey
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Check these neat little brothel creepers I picked up for Tony’s birthday for a song. I just sent this graphic I knocked up to these guys in Chiang Mai:

And hey presto! A few days later I could pick up these little beauties. Totally hand painted. Anyone who knows Anthony knows they right up his alley.

They are based here in Chiang Mai but I think they hoping to get more international orders. They have a Thai and English website and all shoes are waterproofed. Prices vary from A$18-35 per pair. They’ll do any design you want.

I’m going to have to get myself a pair. Don’t tell Tony I’ve got them for him until I give them to him this weekend.

If you are looking for them in Chiang Mai they are hidden in the big student ‘fashion’ market across Huay Kaew Rd from the CMU main entryway. Best to just give ‘em a call.

Posted on May 2nd, 2009 by jersey
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I’ve been having a few gentle jibes at the Land of Smiles recently but I want to set the record straight - I do love so much about this place and its people. I thought I might post the top ten reasons I think Thailand rocks. Feel free to add to the list.

“And the survey says (in no discernible order)…”:

1. Polite people who do smile a lot.

2. Zero road rage.

3. It’s the cheapest place on Earth and you can buy anything you want.

4. Thai cuisine (this has whole subcategories but we’ll just count it as one).

5. The King of Thailand.

6. Internet really works here.

7. Thai massages.

8. Mountains to crystal seas - it’s got everything.

9. Cheap flights to everywhere.

10. Great weather year round.

And elephants get an honourable mention.

Posted on April 30th, 2009 by jersey
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